Samhain

Before I became Christian I was a Celtic Pagan. Because of my previous religious background I find myself looking at Halloween in a very different light this year. Traditions of Halloween all stem from Celtic practices and most people don't even know what they are doing. People put Halloween in that "it's so fun to get to pretend to be something else" category that they don't stop to think about why they are doing the things they are.
Why the carved Pumpkins? No one cares. To modern day people it's a sign that you're giving out free candy on October 31st but to the Celtic religion having a gourd carved with a face was a signal on the Samhain Celtic New Year to the spirits of your ancestors that it was safe to come home. The gourd would be left out over night and it was believed that it loured lost spirits back to the house they were "supposed to be haunting".
Why the costumes? It's not just a way for you to get dressed up and turn on your boyfriend or to teach little kids how cute they can be when they use their imaginations. The modern person thinks when they put on their fake fangs and false hair that they are playing into the cultural "be anything you want to be mentality" but to the Celtic Religion people who were traveling on Samhain would dress in ghoulish or ghostly costumes when they had to travel because on the night when ghosts could freely come home they could also roam the streets and possess anyone they wanted to. It was believe that by dressing up as "one of them" you could escape a demonic encounter.
Why the candy? Dentists the world around love this time of year but they aren't the only ones. Modern day children and adults love the sinful endulgence of just one more peice but to the Celtic Religion the candy had an entirely different purpose. Spirits of all kinds could entire a house on Samhain. It was believed that the evil spirits hungered for the once a year chance to take the good parts of our souls. Sweet foods were left on the porch to distract evil spirits. People believed feeding the spirit would fill it up before midnight when whatever it was doing became perminant.
So many of the Celtic traditions we have we don't know about. Why is it we sweep in the same direction? Why is it we drink tea when we are sick? It's what thousand of years of Celtic tradition taught us. It came to America with the Irish settlers and it's been here ever since. Candy companies, custome makers and thousands of children would be disappointed if it didn't.
But know what you are doing.Know what a corn maze is for, know what a broom is about, know why you're dressing up and what you're asking for when you say "trick or treat" and if you still want to do it... stop by my house because I'll be giving out candy...and a history lesson every time the door bell rings.

Scary Isn't It

I think it's only fitting that I have no idea what I should be doing. This is my first Halloween as a Christian and my previous religion of choice (Celtic Pagan) had a lot of traditions steaming from this time of year.

What I find scary isn't the lack of participation or the overwhelming love of costumes and candy that I am finding in my current religion but instead the fact that it all depends on who you ask. Is it ok for kids to tricker treat? Is it ok to see a palm reader?

Where is that line in the sand? How do we determine where the difference is between the occult and having some fun? I surely don't know. My husband seems to think it depends on "how much stock you put in it" or "where your intentions lie" but that seems a little gray and vague to me.

Somewhere there is a right side, a wrong side and that thin line in the middle and I want to find it. I think this stems from the fact that I know where most of these halloween traditions came from and I'd have to say that it was a long way from playing dress up and getting free candy.

What exactly are we teaching the children around us? What would we do if it was our kid? I don't know. If knowledge is power then that is scary.

Everybody Needs Slogans

So I was on this site and it had a link to another site. Which, by the way, happens every day. But I, despite sound mental ability, must click a link when it is offered.

I found myself here. And I made a slogan... because....I. Am. That. Gullible.

(In case you have a wonky browser and you can't read it) It says, "A Finger of Curvatude is Just Enough to Give Your Kids a Treat". Boy that sounds really dirty doesn't it.

Your Turn...

Leave it in the comments.

There is one thing missing in this sentence

Do you know what it is? What... No guesses... alright I'll tell you. It's a period. And that's not the only place it's missing. Damn I hate this waiting for a Dr's Appt stuff.

Health Update

After running the second set of blood tests it has been determined that I no longer have/had blood poisoning. I got the notice in the mail...guess when nothing is wrong it's not important enough to call the patient. But anyhow I also tested normal for Thyroid, Diabetes, Cholesterol, Blood Pressure, Stress testing (heart and lungs), red blood count and white blood count. That means that my problem is solely due to my Ovary problem which will make it easier to treat if it is still treatable.

I have an appt on Nov. 14th with the Specialist (gyno obgyn specialist- not standard dr) and one on Nov 21st with an RE (reproductive expert).

So hooray for small blessings. One problem down. One solution yet to go.

Let's Talk About My Ass...shall we?

So I made a virtual model and now they have this cool interactive thing you can put on your site so I'm putting one over in my sidebar.

Pretty cool no?

I've signed up to do some weight loss charting with some girls I know but I need to get some facts out in public in order to fully participate so I'll be needing one of these too...




You know you want to do this with me... come on send me your email and we'll all get skinny together and show off our skinny virtual models..huh...huh..come on...peer pressure is a good thing...well...today it is!!

Blogger Acting Up

Blogger is acting up today. It seems to be only letting people view a few of my posts and my side bar is lost in space. Sigh. I'll change my template if it doesn't fix itself by tomorrow.

F.F.

So it's time for Frankly Friday which is the point in the week where I acknowledge a great thing and a crappy thing from the week before as well as something I learned this week. It's a good way to keep the work week in perspective before moving on to the fun filled weekend.

Frankly Friday Fab- Jon made chocolate chip cookies for me last night. He's one of those sweet guys who will do something for you if he knows you really want it. Like yesterday when he picked up my car from work, took it to be washed, and then brought it back clean and shiny and parked it in the parking lot. Or when he walked over a mile to the store last night to get baking soda, not baking powder (which I bought on accident) and then he came home to make me yummy cookies. He even made me 6 cookies with no chocolate chips which are my favorite.

Frankly Friday Flop- Well I already mentioned the baking soda verses powder thing so I can't use that one. How about the fact that I cut off all my hair and dyed it a color that doesn't happen in nature? No. Ok. Well then my flop would most definitely have to be Sunday when I had a cold and Jon and I both slept through the alarm clock and missed our Spiritual Formations class at church and Sunday Services. Luckily we can listen to the sermon online. But nothing says I'm a religious weirdo more than listening to a sermon on your PC at work.

Frankly Friday Fact- This week I'm hiring a book keeper at work. The thing I learned is something I'd like to share with the rest of the world... HR managers aren't as dumb as you think... I don't believe you're time at McD's counts as inventory control experience, or your time spent on Ebay counts as sales management, your time at Mervyn's on a cash register is not accounting and your brother in law is never a good reference. And yes... I got resumes from all of those types of people.

How about you do you have a Fab, Flop or Fact?

The New Look

A girl just needs change sometimes. We can't live in a vanilla world forever. So this week I'm putting down some change in my life. Change so far can be documented with 3 things... (1) my now less than two pepsi a day drinking habit (2) my new short red hair (3) the change in the template and sharing on this blog

Also new to this site is the 40 before 40 list below and my linking to other bloggers I read. We'll see if it changes anything else around here.

:)

He Doesn't Love Me For My Hair

Love means knowing that even though he married you with hair like this....


He'll still love you when you come home from work with hair that's like this...


And he'll find it cute and sort of sexy when you put you're hair up for work like this...

Don't be jealous...





Happy Love Thursday everyone... for more go to Chookooloonks

Forty Before Forty

Several of the blogs I read on a regular basis have something like a life to do list. My favorite one is the forty by forty list that is available at Chris' site so I decided to steal her idea and make one of my own... let me know what you think.


Forty Before Forty


1. Have a child of my own or adopt a baby that needs a family
2. Go to Europe with my Husband
3. Finally get a group to take a trip to Hawaii
4. Write and be published in a magazine or paper again
5. Cater a formal dinner for my friends and family
6. Take my nieces and nephew (and my own kids if I have them at the time) to Disneyland
7. Become comfortable with singing in public
8. Own my own home
9. Get out of debt (including paying off cars etc)
10. Lose 50 lbs
11. Find real friends and get rid of toxic friends
12. Go on a girls only vacation to someplace nice
13. Go on a cruise with my husband
14. Learn to trust God with all my heart
15. Plan for retirement
16. Make sure everyone has a will and their desires for old age are clearly outlined
17. Read to my kids from the book that Aunt Penny read to me from
18. Make a family cookbook
19. Sell the things I don't need
20. Stop buying new crap I don't need
21. Curse less
22. Stop using others to measure my value as a person
23. Have a savings account with $10,000.00 in it
24. Go see Jeromy in Germany
25. Become a valuable member of my church and community
26. Master another language and then travel to that country with a missionary group
27. Teach my children the family morals and sayings my grandparents and father taught me
28. Tune my piano so I can start playing again for others
29. Re do my wardrobe so that my clothing actually fits and my jewelry is actually in style
30. Stop eating when I'm stressed out and biting my nails when I'm nervous
31. Become a valuable employee and make more than $50,000.00 a year at my job
32. Start volunteering more in my areas of skill
33. Run a function for my church or a local charity
34. Go through all the pictures that I own and scrapbook the keepers and get rid of the rest
35. Start sewing quilts or knitting again for people who I love
36. Learn to photograph well and to be photographed well
37. Get to the point where I blog every day and have a good reader base
38. Start taking time daily for personal growth by exercising, praying more regularly and writing
39. Finally figure out a way to keep up with the responsibilities of working full time and having a clean house
40. Develop my own family traditions for Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, and Thanksgiving

National Blog Writing Month

Over at Fussy she has declared the month of November National Blog Writing Month. The goal to blog once a day every day for the entire month of November. I'm in. And I stole her graphic to lure you in as well.

Heros

My Heros? People who laugh like they really mean it. People who love with unconditional overflowing parts of their soul. People who help without being asked. People who care without having to gain something. People who give of themselves daily. People who value love over money. People who see children as the future. People who know what they want and need, but do what they should and can. People who have hope. People who know how to be fiesty. People who dance when the music moves them. People who can't sing but make up for it in volume. People who do not judge. People who have an opinion. People who live to know what life is for. And you.

Invisible

Mama says Om's theme this week is invisible. It is an ironic coincidence that just last night I was talking to Jon as he sat next to me on the bed about how grief has no marker anymore. The goth culture and the business suits have taken the color black. Veils are outdated. So people don't really have a way anymore to tell someone they are mourning a loss.

If you are like me and you miscarry there is no way to casually tell someone without having to tell them the entire story. You might laugh at a joke or smile at something but on the inside you're still dealing with a loss and a fear for the future that would be so much easier to deal with if you could wear it like a big scarlet letter.

Suddenly we are desensitized not only by what we watch and listen to but also how we mourn. It is no longer acceptable to spend weeks dressed in black. Your neighbors aren't going to stop by with a prayer and a casserole and your going to get up the next day and go to work.

We have become an invisible emotion nation. Too busy to stop and greive. Too busy to stop and care. Too busy to even slow down enough to keep from running ourselves over in the rush towareds nothing. The rush towards being even more invisible then the thin pink line that is no longer there.

Pass the Kleenex and Call Me Hormonal

mms://mgovideo.genmills.com/cheerios/Adoption_large.wmv

The link above is to a cheerios commercial where an adoptive family picks up their children in another country. Yep. I cried. That's ok though...because I'm a chick and it was the lifetime channel so I'm aloud.

Enjoy!

When the Bottom Falls Out There's More Up to Look Forward To

Ok so I have a couple of friends who have asked me about my appt on Tuesday and instead of emailing them seperately I decided that this would be a fast and efficient approach to keeping people informed. If you are not interested in the medical and mental perils that Jon and I are going through then just click this closed and stop reading because this is meant to be informative and not really for any attention or anxiety induction in others.

I got pretty sick after Jon and I got home from our honeymoon. A couple weeks and one positive pregnancy test later we got very excited by the concept of a baby at the end of next summer. Plans were made, cribs located, names talked about... but we decided to wait till the 10 wk mark when a baby has a heartbeat to tell our family and friends. It's safer that way we told ourselves (without ever really thinking for a minute that it might be a prediction of what would happen next).

A week after my positive pregnancy test I had what can only be described as an unplanned, horrible menstrual cycle which left me exhausted and defeated. I had miscarried. Jon and I struggled with our loss alone, mainly because we had chosen not to tell our friends and worried that calling them at this point would do more damage than good. The doctor informed us the next day over the phone that there was a chance I was still pregnant so we waited for an available appointment.

That gets us to Tuesday. On Tuesday morning I had my appt. It was determined that I did miscarry and that one of my ovaries is very weak and well...yucky... There were blood tests, sonigrams and other fun forms of medical torture (most of the girls can relate to most of that stuff). I have an infection in my blood which is an after effect of the lost baby and possibly some sort of rupture or torn tissue. In addition, I was informed that I might not be able to become pregnant if I wait much longer to start trying (less than a year).

After a talk with Jon we decided to actively pursue having a baby now before it's too late and for this reason I have an appointment with a specialist the 2nd week of November and several follow-up appointments with my regular doctor .

Now some of this is stuff I saw coming. I've been having ovary issues for a couple years now but I in no way thought that the end would be in site. My mother had a horrible run at trying to conceive, she miscarried and still birthed after long bouts of trying to get pregnant with no success. She also had a complete hysterectomy at a young age due to a huge cyst on her female parts. Due to this family history I was prepared for the possibility of become unfertile long before the normal path of menopause... but I wasn't prepared for NOW... not NOW... I'm young.

People keep asking if we need anything... by people I mean the few of my older friends who can read me like a book and can tell I've had my game face on for the last week. You can pray... pray for healthy babies if that is what God had planned... Pray that if adoption is the path we are supposed to take that funds become available when it's time. Pray for time. Pray for the miscarried baby that it is embraced by Gods loving arms in heaven. Pray for our ability to trust God's will.

And ask.. ask how we're doing because we'd really like to tell you... we just don't think you care. Perhaps we think it would be a burden to share with you. Perhaps we're scared to draw attention to ourselves after having a wedding. Perhaps we think you're tired of hearing about it. Perhaps we think you'll just blow it off. Most of those things we think because we've experienced them and now we're gun shy (so to speak).

Right now I need time, I need to get out of the house, I need to have fun and be with people. I need to be distracted. I need work, places to go and plans so that I'm not counting down the days between drs appts and test results by sitting on the couch watching law and order and marking the calendar with big red x's. Jon needs things too- support, friends around, rest, and time. He could probably tell you all about what he needs if you ask him.

I can tell you that right now we talk about this like it's not a huge blow because we don't want to scare ourselves but as for me... I'm already scared. Very very scared.

So just pray because that's what I'm doing. Several times a day. Every day.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

Fighting Myself and Losing

I've been struggling lately with my own faulted sinning human nature. Don't get me wrong I'm not frollicking from sin to sin with out any regard to myself or others. I just find myself often in the middle of the same sin without even realizing I was heading into that direct.

What sin you ask? Only the most simple and horrible of them all. I'm not loving people well. I'm taking it personally when people do little things and then I'm judging them and then judging myself for being hurt.

Judge not least ye be judged. Sigh.

I made my resolution about a week ago after an anger sermon at my church to make a dedicated try at not becoming angry at people for loving me the best way they know how even if it's not the way I want to be loved.

I'll keep you posted on how that turns out... but so far it's tough.

Virtual Model

So I gave up and made on of these.

Love = Laughter

Love is laughter and good food at our house. Usually this is accomplished by a Board Game night. Part of being a Newlywed is being really excited when people come over for dinner. Our way of affording this time of fellowship and laughter is by charging $5.00 for an all you can eat dinner with snacks and dessert and then providing great games like Cranium (pictured here) for our friends to enjoy laughing, humming, dancing, drawing, sculpting and flexing their smart muscles for.




















This blog is part of Love Thursday by Karen over at Chookooloonks

Taste

The topic this week over at Mama Says Om is Taste. At first I started to think about all the tastes I love. The tastes I grew up with (cream tuna on toast, chicken and dumplings, pot roast and potatos), the tastes I developed in highschool (ranch dressing on my french fries, pizza with extra mushrooms, garlic chicken), the more developed tastes I learned when I started cooking for my family and friends (meatballs and zitti, chicken parmesian, carne asada, chicken enchiladas) and the tastes I teach my god children (homemade mac & cheese, penne pasta with sweet sausage, spaghetti with shredded parm. cheese on top). There are the foods that comfort me (fried potatos and eggs- my mom's, country gravy and biscuits- my grandmother, BBQ steak- my dad's) and the foods that make me excited (chocolate mice from Olde Thyme Pasteries or Asparagus wrapped in panchetta or stuffed mushrooms with good cheddar cheese). But then I got stuck on the other tastes. You remember the tastes you used to love but now don't sound that appealing... the tastes that are associated with summer vacation, being home from school sick or staying up late watching movies during Christmas break.

There were so many of them :

Summer breaks were spent at the community pool eating Watermelon Bubble Yum and drinking gatorade that had been in the sun too long.

Spaghetti O's with meatballs were an after school favorite when I was in Jr High. I remember after school specials with boys who had too much hair gel and girls with two pairs of slouch socks on.

We were young. To this day, I can smell these two things, along with many others and I am back in the day of side tied t-shirts, slouch socks, aqua net bangs and NKOTB.

Autumn Apple Bake

Melt one stick of butter with 1/4 cup of brown sugar and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon.
Pour mixture onto the bottom of a glass pan.
Cover the mixture with sliced apples and pears with the cores and seeds removed (if cooking for children removing the peel is recommended).
Cover fruit layer with 2 7 oz packages of premium chunk white chicken mixed with the following6 oz container of cottage cheese2 cups raisen1 cup sliced almonds.
For a third layer top with Crisp Topping. To create crisp topping mix the following in a seperate bowl.
1 1/2 sticks butter 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups light brown sugar 1 1/2 cups oats (or oatmeal)1 tablespoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Mission Monday... on Tuesday?

Yesterday was Mission Monday on Mom to the Screaming Masses Webpage and she talked about her hate hate relationship with veggies. I happen to be blessed/cursed with a husband who is wonderful and charming unless of course you put a plate of peas in front of him so I have recently faced the challenge of making the same old vegetable in a new way.

We of course have our friend Courtney's Corn Casserole Recipe:

2 pkg. frozen petite white corn1 cube butter, softened8 oz. cream cheese, softened1 can diced green chilis (ortega's)1/2 white onion, dicedsalsa (optional)salt & pepper to tasteBake in 9x13 pan at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes, stir and serve. Serves 6-8ish.

And we can fall back on the tried and true roasted veggies with balsamic vingerette:

In a freezer bag place cut up bell peppers, red onions, whole grape tomatoes and cloves of garlic. Top with one cup balsamic vinegar, three table spoons of olive oil and two table spoons of italian seasoning. Close bag and shake. Grill on grill pan untill slightly seared (also good on the BBQ).

I'm still looking for something interesting to do with brocolli. We eat a lot of brocolli and brocolli with cheese. But really... there has to be more doesn't there?

Love Thursday

Karen over at Chookooloonks has a themed day on Thursday called Love Thursday. I've been watching it for awhile but this is my first time putting an entry on my own blog...as it has pictures.

Love is... knowing what till death do you part feels like...

This picture was taken at the exact moment of "you may now kiss the bride" on September 8th, 2006

Instant Comfort

Mom to the Screaming Masses always has great creative writing ideas over at her blog. Today's is a list of things that give you instant comfort.

Here is my comforting list-
1. Knowing God's grace is more forgiving than my scale or my friends2. My Newlywed Hubby's smile in the morning complete with bed head and sheet lines on his cheeks from the pillows3. Hugs from my daddy (something a girl doesn't outgrow)4. Baby giggles, excited kicking and big eyed wonder5. Cool autumn night breezes over my fluffy down comforter and squishy pillows6. Musicals that you can sing all the words to7. The hallmark channel when no one else is home8. Pepsi with lots of ice9. Old pictures that make you smile like you were there even if you weren't 10. Life stories and child hood memories11. Cream tuna on toast (recipe available on my blog tomorrow)12. Hot showers with no time limit13. Positive bank account balances14. Dinner with friends15. The smell of a clean house

25 cents about Friends

Amazingly enough my heart has learned to bounce. Fragile and delicate emotions have replaced themselves with a quarter machine novelty. Like a little red rubber ball I had when I was little, how I remember how it bounced. I remember vividly throwing that ball as hard as we could and watching it bounce from harsh angles and hard services until it ran out of momentum and rolled unharmed under the refrigerator or behind a bookshelf. As a child I was bewildered by that ball, how it took what force I gave it and became something so much more entertaining than a seamless ball of rubber. I never once acknowledged the damage that kind of reckless abandon leaves behind. Broken. That's what little red balls leave behind. It never even notices. Crash. The lamp is cracked. Smack. Someone got a black eye. Bang. Another stack falls down onto the fall. Wosh. Water spills on to the carpet. And then we rushed off to the ball, to find it, hoping it wasn't lost and completely ignoring the scene it created. It never stopped, it couldn't hear, it couldn't see, it didn't care... it just bounced when it was forced to. So now I'm an adult, the allure is gone and I am scared. I see my heart rebound after harsh words or hard questions and I am terrified. I am happier without hearing you, I am happier without seeing or feeling you. Happy. And yet so dangerously unaware of what you need before I am lost, slipping out of sight...rolling out of your mind.

Love God With All Your Mind

The Monte Vista Chapel's Women's Book Club started this week. We'll be meeting once a month (each time at a different members house) and reading books about philosophy, religion, apologetics, relativism etc. The first book we'll be reading is J.P. Moreland's "Love God With All Your Mind".
The following is a review of the book from Amazon:
The mind plays an important role in Christianity. Unfortunately, many of us leave our minds behind when it comes to our faith.
In Love Your God with All Your Mind, J.P. Moreland presents a logical case for the role of the mind in spiritual transformation. He challenges us to develop a Christian mind and to use our intellect to further God's kingdom through evangelism, apologetics, worship, and vocation.
If you are interested in joining the book club you can sign up on Monte Vista Chapels website or by letting myself or Nicole know. Our next meeting will be on November 7th. We;ve got about 6 group members already but I think that all women could gain from having an educated response to apologetic arguments. If anyone has any questions just let me know... I'm just getting the word out.

Welcome to Our World

Born two days ago my new niece is peaceful and dainty like a small doll. Her perfect little peach skin is complimented by her pink little cheeks and her tiny little nose in a way that could only be on of God's creations. She is perfect, in a way only a child could be... and we wait to see what she will become as she grows up.

Born into a mess. That's what she has the luck of being. Born to a mom scared to be a mom. Born to a dad who doesn't know how to be an adult. Snide comments and power plays racked her little tiny entrance into this planet.

What will become of the child that God made? Will she grow to surpass them? Will they grow up because of her? She's like her own little axel... the world revolving around her hardly notices her, but in the end she is all that appears to be keeping them from spinning out into the nothingness.